Dear Emily, I’m in one of those “You’re not my girlfriend but I’m not okay with u makin out with other boys” make believe cake & eat it too relations. I did manage to negotiate a deal where he doesnt get to make out with other floozies either (and for once in my life believe the dude.) As luck would have it, boys are lining up fast but I really only want the cake eater. What should I do? Love,

27 10 / 2010

Anonymous asked: Dear Emily,
I'm in one of those "You're not my girlfriend but I'm not okay with u makin out with other boys" make believe cake & eat it too relations. I did manage to negotiate a deal where he doesnt get to make out with other floozies either (and for once in my life believe the dude.) As luck would have it, boys are lining up fast but I really only want the cake eater. What should I do?

Love,

Dear A. Nonny Mess,

If you can’t lock it down, let it go. Wild horses and hearts and other things that start with “h” that are wild, like hepatitis and heatstroke and hurricanes, cannot be tamed.

You can go for a ride, but you’re going to end up getting royally bucked without some reins to help give you a little control.

When life hands you a queue of eligible bachelors and a faux beau who’s everything you want and more, give them all my phone number because you clearly don’t know how to take advantage of this good fortune.

Piece!

Emily