16 12 / 2009
Scrooge McDuck
Dear Emily,
Christmas shopping sucks. I hate it. Why do they make us do this shit? Honestly, it’s annoying. If I gave you a budget and a list, would you do my shopping for me? Or do you at least have tips on how to make it a less painful experience?
- Scrooge McDuck
Dear Scrooge McDuck,
You sound like someone who could use a kiss under the mistletoe! While you’re schlepping shopping bags around town, try to remember what Christmas is really about: getting presents.
You have to eat to be hungry. You have to exercise to have energy. You have to love to be loved. Which of course brings us back to the important part: the presents! Basically, gift giving is like the second Tuesday of every month for married folk: you must give to receive.
But that doesn’t mean you have to buy your loves’ love. If you’re falling short of financials, there are plenty of ways to show friends and family how much you care about the birth of baby Jesus without spending any money at all! Here are a few ideas:
• make a thoughtful mixcd that reflects your feelings toward the gift receiver. Nothing says “I’m exceptionally skilled at composing a musical compilation of all my favorite songs and I’m also glad to have you in my life,” like a tastefully packaged mix.
• knit a blanket to keep them warm when you’re not there to even though you’ll probably end up using it yourself while you’re curled up on the couch watching Love Actually for the zillionth time and they’re out getting hammered at the bar four nights a week.
• create a video detailing the history of your friendship using handmade sock puppets.
• customize a personal coupon book with waivers for things like “One Free Hug,” “Two Dinner Outings” or “Non-Tuesday Night Sex Making.”
There are many ways to spread joy that won’t break the bank. But if you lack natural creative talent, I do have a few tips for streamlining your holiday shopping:
1) drink three or four glasses of egg nog
2) stay home
3) order everything on the internet
Seasons greetings to you and yours! On a serious note, if you know of any holiday gift programs for underprivileged children, please sign up. It’s a tremendous amount of fun to shop for a child whose only gifts this year might be the ones you give them.
Smooch!
Emily
