18 5 / 2011
Dimple-Loving Dude
Dear Emily,
I’m somewhat concerned about my feelings for Paul Rudd. They’re not romantic really, but I would like to bake him a pie. I prefer to sleep with women, so I guess I’m just wondering how gay this makes me.
Sincerely,
Dimple-Loving Dude
Dear Dimple-Loving Dude,
Do you enjoy dicks that aren’t yours? No? Not even a little gay. A better question—who wouldn’t want to see that smooth Paul Rudd smile upon offering him some tasty baked goods? I once dated someone because he bore a slight resemblance to my favorite Wet Hot American Summer alum. The operative word there is bore. As in, he was a big ol’ fat one. We all make mistakes in the name of Rudd.
Whipping up a sweet treat for a funny fella doesn’t mean you want to slap his bass, so you bake Paul Rudd that pie, buttercup. But save me a slice cos this bitch is hungry—strawberry rhubarb, please.
UGGGHHHHHHHH!
Emily
